I'll Be Yours
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: Murdoc and 2D are complicated by themselves, but more so around each other. Yet their dysfunction is what brings them so strongly together. -Songfic to the Placebo song I'll Be Yours-
1. I'll Be Your Water Bathing You Clean

Their relationship wasn't average, it wasn't cut and dry, and above all it was beyond complicated. A psychologist would have a fucking field day trying to figure one man out and then the other. They weren't really great for each other, but they needed each other. Murdoc was intelligent and insane, either way he knew damned well that the way he treated 2D most of the time was wrong, but he really couldn't help it. Hell maybe he just didn't want to help it; he had been raised like this, the way his father had treated him, the way his brother had treated him, and always waiting for people he allowed inside to just fucking leave him; to fuck him over and say they never gave a shit in the first place. If he hurt them, if he drove them fucking insane and made them feel bad then they could leave and it wouldn't matter. He got that 2D wouldn't do that, the band had already ended once because of Murdoc attacking the slightly dumb younger man, but just as always 2D was willing to come back. They were still in this weird place, even two months after being back at Kong Studios they were in this weird place with one another. It made him feel things he couldn't express like a sane person, so like every other feeling he feared he released it in the form of senseless violence.

"You fucking idiot, if you touch anything else of mine I'll break your fucking neck." He yelled before punching the younger man in the face hard enough to knock him on his ass.

He could feel Russel looking, watching what they were doing. He knew damned well that when it got too out of hand the drummer would pull them apart and make one of them leave the room.

2D sat on the floor looking down at the ground, he wiped his bloodied nose on his arm pulling back to look at the blood now staining his forearm. This was usually how it would go, that's how it had gone back at the hotel when Murdoc had strangled him. He never fought back because he didn't see the point in it; fire with fire never solved anything. It always felt like maybe he knew more about the bassist than anybody else, without being told anything he knew so much just by looking at him. Murdoc hated it, hated him for being this way; he hated both of them for this.

Another surge of anger flowed through him resulting in a hard kick against the younger man's stomach. He sat down on top of the younger man; he took hold of the collar of his shirt pulling him towards him. 2D just looked back at him like he accepted what was going to happen, like this was just casual. Murdoc hated his eyes sometimes, hated how void they were of everything; he punched the younger man hard in the face over and over again while screaming every obscene insult and word he could come up with. It didn't take too long for Russel to intervene; he grabbed Murdoc around the waist and pulled him away from the singer who collapsed back on the floor groaning in pain.

"2D go to your room while Mr. Lunatic here calms the fuck down."

2D slowly pulled himself to his feet, he looked at Murdoc; his face was bloody, his left eye bruised, a cut across the bridge of his nose, and a bruise forming on his right cheek. He looked sad, helpless; he turned away and ran out of the room. Once he was out of ear shot Russel released the green skinned man.

"You need to cut this crap out; this is how the band broke up last time."

"We aren't gonna split up every time I get in a fucking fight with faceache."

"Look I don't know what the Hell your deal is and I don't get why the hell 'D lets you do this crap to him all of the time. You're so….You're both so damn weird and dysfunctional I honest to God believe that you'd die if you didn't have each other."

Murdoc laughed and shook his head.

"Right, like I need that pain in the arse to survive."

"Look me in the eye and tell me it isn't true."

He couldn't, he could lie about anything except for this. It'd been weird going that long without 2D around; he'd missed having somebody around to put up with his shit, to talk to him, listen to him, and actually want to be near him. He'd never needed anybody before, but now he did and it was one of the reasons he wanted to hate the scrawny little brat so badly.

"I don't have to tell you shit." He muttered as he shoved past the larger man.

He made his way out into the car lot and to 2D's room, for a second he considered knocking then realized there wasn't much reason to. He didn't give a shit about the younger man's privacy or if he wanted to see him or not.

He opened the door and entered the room to find it vacant, he went to the small connecting bathroom where he found the blue haired man standing in front of the sink looking at himself in the small mirror hanging above it.

"You alright?"

2D merely shrugged and grunted in reply.

"You should get those cuts cleaned up, y'know so they don't get infected or whatever."

The younger man continued ignoring him.

Murdoc watched as the younger man started to undress; more bruises and cuts were scattered along his stomach and his back, he really hadn't realized within the past couple of days he'd beaten the singer this badly. Fuck really what was wrong with him?

2D went over to the bath tub placing the plug in the drain then turning the water on. He continued ignoring the older man almost as if he wasn't even in the damned room at all.

The blue haired man turned off the faucets then stepped inside of the tub, he let out a small sigh leaning his head back and closing his eyes. The moment Murdoc considered just leaving the room and forgetting about apologizing was the moment that 2D opened his eyes and finally looked up at him.

"G-get in with me."

"What?"

Suddenly he felt weird, uncomfortable; there wasn't really a reason to, he'd seen his band mates naked before. It was the bad part of being in a band, there was no such thing as privacy when you were on tour. Yet right now he felt weird.

"Get in with me, please."

Murdoc looked back over his shoulder towards the bedroom almost like somebody would walk in about anytime now.

"Nobody will walk in, just do this for me."

He shut the bathroom door, locking it, then quickly undressed and got in the tub with the younger man. He remembered times before the band had started when they used to be together. Back before 2D got back with Paula, before Kong Studios; times in a small flat where they would just smoke pot and drink most of the day, play music, then shag for a bit. That had stopped when Paula came back, stopped when they no longer lived alone but with other people.

Water splashed against the bassist's face pulling him from the bitter sweet memories. He looked to see 2D just barely smiling up at him, his face still stained with blood.

"Arse" Murdoc whispered.

He reached over the side of the tub picking up a wash cloth from the floor; he dipped it into the water wetting it then moved so he was basically straddling the other man's lap. He felt that unease again; the one that made him feel things that he really didn't get, he was pretty sure that 2D was feeling it too because there seemed to be a change in his breathing, his lips parted, and his blood filled eyes looking up at him like he was in some dumb sort of daze. Murdoc ignored it and began gently wiping the blood away from his skin.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be, I shouldn't have been messing with your stuff."

"Are you still mad at me for what happened back at the hotel?"

"A little bit, that was a long time ago though. This is kind of peaceful isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah it's sort of nice; it makes me think of when we lived in my old flat back when we used to…"

He trailed off averting his eyes.

What was he even doing?

He dropped the wash cloth on the floor and moved away from the younger man.

"I miss that, I really miss you; I know you don't like me that much and I'm just some worthless little moron to you, but I still really like you Mudsie."

"I thought you knew me better than that."

2D moved so that he was straddling the older man's lap, he placed one hand on the back of his neck his fingers lightly going along his skin up through his wet black hair. He placed his other hand on Murdoc's chest.

"Knew what?"

Murdoc wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist hoping he wouldn't try and leave.

"I don't really know, I wish I did, but I like you. Sometimes I hate you, but other times I don't; can we just forget about this for now?"

"Yeah we can, for now; I trust you, I don't think I have many reasons to trust you. When you're like this….When….Like this you make me feel better, peaceful. Can we just keep it this way for a little while?"

"Sure luv" He whispered before kissing him gently.

He couldn't remember the last time that they had kissed; damn he had missed him and this so badly. The feeling of the blue haired man's lips against his, his fingers going through his hair, and his body pressed against him.

'I'll be your water bathing you clean, the liquid peace.'


	2. I'll Be Your Ether You'll Breathe Me In

They somehow managed to get about half way through recording Demon Days without a fight, without a complete blow out. It had been rather nice while it had lasted, but that was over. Now they stood in the recording studio, the door locked so nobody would stumble in during their fight. They could hear varied voices outside the door; the voices of drunken guests, musicians, actors, and even people they'd never met before in their lives. Yet here the two of them were locked in this empty room, both drunk, and both pissed off for differing reasons.

"Why do you keep doing this to me, seriously what's your problem with me dating?" 2D yelled angrily.

His speech was slightly slurred, he took a step towards the older man and for a moment he thought he'd fall. He actually was prepared to catch him if he did.

"Well the first one you had was a whore, the second was a bitch, and honestly it's been going that way for years now. You get the worst and ugliest girls you can find and they treat you like dirt."

It was true; he either got with women who just wanted money, they had sex with everybody except for 2D and they mentally abused the man or he got with women who were pretentious rich snobs who just wanted to shock people in the media by dating the freak show in the world of rock.

"At least I don't have to pay them to shag me, unlike you. You're so fucked up and old and ugly you can't even get a bird to look your way without paying her."

He was actually taken back by the statement, even a little bit hurt. Hurt and shock turned to anger and a second later he had a hand around 2D's throat and the singer's body pressed against him.

"Say that again."

"You're a filthy old bastard that keeps on ruining my life." He whispered his voice less sure this time.

"How?"

"You, you take all the women I like; like tonight that bird was into me and then you came along and started flirting with her and stuff. Telling her she doesn't want some idiot like me."

Murdoc released him pushing the blue haired man away from him.

"You are an idiot, you can't even tell that half these moronic bitches don't even want you."

"Th-that's not true, you're just jealous that people like me more than you. That's your problem; you're so fucking bitter about, about being pathetic and….Nobody wants you."

"I didn't see you fucking complaining a couple months ago." Murdoc said never taking his eyes off of the younger man's.

"I-it shouldn't have happened, not like; it's not like you fucking care, just care about yourself and….You're a jerk, you don't have a heart or anything like that."

2D looked down towards the floor.

Murdoc walked up to him, he placed his index finger under his chin coaxing the younger man to look up at him.

"You mean that?" He asked his voice gentle.

"I don't want you if you don't even give a damn about me, I'm not….I'm not one of your whores or something."

"I know and I do care about you, I mean that."

"Then why the hell do you treat me like this?"

Murdoc shrugged; he traced his finger along the younger man's cheek, across his bottom lip then ran his fingers back through his hair.

"You really think all that stuff about me?"

"N-no, I don't; I like you a lot, you just annoy me sometimes. I feel like you don't care about me and you treat me like crap and half the time I don't know if you mean it or not, then I don't know if you mean this." He whispered.

"Just don't think about it too much, any of it. For the girlfriend thing, I chase them off cause I know they don't care about you and I know you're too thick to listen to me if I try to tell you. Ya need to stop believing and trusting every damn person who says hi to you."

"What about you, should I believe you?"

"Hell no"

With that he kissed him. 2D wrapped his arms around his neck as he kissed him back just as gently, just as lovingly. He held the singer's body close to hiss, his tongue probing inside of his mouth; he tasted like cigarettes and cherry flavored vodka. He knew deep down he shouldn't be kissing him, he should just leave, because nothing about this would ever end well.

2D slid his hands up under the older man's shirt his fingers wandering across his stomach then his chest.

"I like your body and your face, I didn't mean it." He whispered his mouth against the older man's neck.

"I know luv"

He felt the blue haired man's lips press against his skin, the flick of his tongue against the nape of his neck.

Murdoc pulled away from the other man, he removed his own shirt dropping it to the floor. 2D looked over his body smiling a bit as he did so; he kissed the bassist his tongue pushing inside of his mouth. He lightly dragged his fingernails down along the other man's sides.

They were dangerous together; dangerous for each other, but apart they just felt dead on the inside. Murdoc had done every self-destructive thing he could come up with when he had been away from 2D, but 2D on the other hand had become less awkward and nervous. Together they fought, but something had changed and somehow there was a bit of respect. He wasn't purely the leader anymore, 2D didn't just blindly follow him any longer; he could call him out, argue him, and that's why doing this felt alright. He knew that the singer was doing this because he wanted to, not because he just liked doing everything that Murdoc did.

2D stepped away from him; he watched as the taller man began to undress, when he got to his belt he couldn't steady his fingers. Murdoc laughed and 2D glared at him, the bassist shook his head amused by the younger man's frustration. He moved the singer's hands out of the way and with little difficulty unbuckled his belt then unfastened his jeans. He looked up at the younger man smirking at him.

"Shut it" 2D mumbled.

Murdoc placed a hand on the back of his neck pulling him in kissing him hard. 2D pushed his jeans down around his ankles then stepped out of them, he placed his hand over the older man's crotch and began rubbing at him through the material of his pants. Murdoc unfastened his jeans pushing them down to the ground. He lay the younger man down on the floor settling between his legs, he kissed down 2D's chest, to his stomach. He ran the tip of his tongue down the center of his stomach stopping above his crotch. He moved back up, he placed a hand on 2D's cheek his fingers caressing his skin, the younger man looked up at him with dark eyes.

"Do you really wanna do this?"

"Yeah I want to, just tell me something okay?"

The blue haired man wrapped his left leg around Murdoc's back almost like he wanted to hold him there so he couldn't leave.

"What is it?"

"Do you love me?"

He felt his heart constrict in his chest; he brushed his lips against 2D's.

"Yes" He whispered.

2D tangled his fingers in Murdoc's hair, he leaned up kissing him.

He knew this wasn't alcohol talking and he swore to himself that he wouldn't pretend he didn't mean this in the morning, because even he couldn't stand the idea of doing something that messed up to him. He wanted him, he wanted to treat him better, and take care of him. He wanted to be his, he was tired of seeing people hurting 2D.

"I'll be yours" Murdoc whispered his fingers caressing the singer's skin.

'I'll be your ether, you'll breathe me in but you won't release.'


	3. I've Seen You Suffer

Touring was nice, but at the same time it was a complete pain in the ass. The beginning seemed to be that way mostly; everybody was tense, nervous, and already missing things about home. It rarely bothered Murdoc, he was used to being away from home, and he never had strong attachments to places. He did notice 2D was acting strangely, even for himself he was acting strange. He just seemed distant; it's not like it had been going on for awhile, honestly it just started happening. All day he'd been strange, zoned out more than usual, and very jumpy.

"Dullard what the hell is up with you, you're weirder than usual." Murdoc said calling out the younger man.

2D looked blankly up at him.

"What you won't even talks, stop acting so damn weird."

"I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

His voice was quiet and distant, sort of like he wasn't even really all there.

"Murdoc leave him alone." Russel said glaring in the older man's direction.

"Why, he never leaves me alone he's always bugging me. Besides he's weirding me out, you know how hard that is to do?"

2D was back to staring down at the floor of the hotel lobby. Murdoc went over and smacked him hard on the back of the head. The singer jumped up from the couch he no longer looked distant he looked pissed off.

"Don't, I told you to leave me alone!"

He turned and ran out of the room going towards the lift.

"What the hell was that about?"

"I told you to leave him the hell alone; can't you just listen for one damn second?"

"Shut it fat arse." He muttered, Murdoc left going in the direction 2D had gone in.

Okay maybe he shouldn't have hit him, maybe he shouldn't have been bothering him like that, but it really did freak him out when the singer acted like that. He always kind of wondered if he was depressed when he acted all distant like that, but whenever Murdoc would ask if he was alright he'd usually smile and say that he was fine. He never believed him, but he never pushed for 2D to tell him the truth.

He went to their shared room, unlocked the door and walked inside of the darkened room. It was only dimly lit by the lamp on the small stand sitting between the two beds. He heard what sounded like muffled crying; he quietly closed the door behind him and slowly walked towards the beds. 2D sat on the floor leaning back against the bed he'd been sleeping in; his legs were pulled up against his chest, his face buried in his hands as he cried.

2D cried, it wasn't really unusual; not like he did it all the time, but he wasn't really one for trying not to or hiding it when he did cry.

"Stu?"

The singer glanced up at him, he still looked distant.

"Sod off, alright?"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Come on tell me, you're really starting to freak me out."

2D looked down at the floor staring at something, Murdoc followed his gaze; he was staring at his cell phone.

"Mum called this morning and….Sh-she….She told me my dad died last night."

Murdoc wordlessly walked over to him, he sat down next to the younger man. He sucked at consoling, at saying anything, and he was actually a bit shocked himself by the news. He wrapped his arms around 2D; the other man crawled onto his lap wrapping his arms around his neck. He buried his face against Murdoc's chest as he continued crying, his fingers curled against his shirt.

"How'd it happen?"

"I dunno he just died in his sleep."

"I'm sorry about earlier, I acted like a complete arse. I am so fucking sorry, about your dad and all of that."

2D nodded.

He really didn't know what to do in these situations. He didn't have the magical words to say to make this hurt less or the meaningful moment to make 2D stop crying. He just held him close to him, kissing the top of his head wishing he could tell him something.

Murdoc's cell phone rang, he ignored it until the fourth ring; he pulled it out of his pocket and hit the call button.

"What?"

"Dude what's going on, we got a show in half an hour." Russel said from the other end of the line.

"Cancel it"

There was a pause.

"Huh?"

"Cancel it, I don't care if they get pissed or whatever; just cancel it."

"Seriously, why; you never cancel shows."

"Just do it, alright?"

"Yeah alright."

He ended the call and put his phone away.

"Last time I talked to him he wanted me to come visit, I told him I couldn't because I was too busy with recording. Just figured I'd go see them after touring, now I can't see him anymore."

"You didn't know what would happen."

"I just when she told me I couldn't do anything, I just. I was shocked and I didn't want to believe her."

"Come on, this floor isn't really comfortable." He whispered, he stood up bringing the singer with him. He lay him down on the bed, he wondered for a second if he should lay with him but 2D wouldn't release his hold on him.

Murdoc lay with him keeping his arms wrapped around him.

"I just started crying and I stop then I remember my dad is really gone and it starts all over again."

"Cry all you want luv, I'm here as long as you need me."

"Thanks; I know you hate this kind of stuff."

"I'm just not used to it, but I can deal with it; y'know for you."

"I love you Mudsie."

"I love you too, it'll get better."

"I miss him"

"I know mate, I know." He whispered kissing the top of his head.

'Well I've seen you suffer; I've seen you cry the whole night through. So I'll be your water bathing you clean, liquid blue.'


	4. I'll Be Your Liqour Bathing Your Soul

Touring had been cut short and they had all except for 2D returned to Kong to take a break while their singer went back to his home town for his father's funeral. Murdoc remembered how lost and pathetic he looked before he had left like he was still off in some sort of a daze, he didn't say anything to the three of them; he just wordlessly left. He hadn't called, sent a text or anything else since he had gone away. Murdoc could understand it, but he still sort of hated not hearing from him, because he'd never seen 2D like that before. He knew it'd be nice if he didn't suck with consoling or making people feel better; he wasn't raised up to console, if you had a problem and tried to talk about it then you usually just talked to yourself or you got your ass busted for feeling anything at all. That's how he had been brought up and as an adult he just hated serious situations because they made him desperately uncomfortable like he wanted any reasons to just leave the room until it was over or find a way to make everybody move onto something less melancholy. Death didn't work that way though; he felt like shit at the idea of just avoiding 2D and even if he had wanted to he had nothing to say to make it seem like nothing had ever happened.

2D had been away from Kong for a little over two weeks. Murdoc was momentarily confused when his phone rang and it was 2D saying he needed him to come to the bottom of the hill and pick him up because the cab driver refused to even come near the place and made him walk two blocks. Murdoc agreed, he quickly dressed, left his Winnebago and went into the black Camaro he named Stylo.

One thing he sort of liked about Kong was that mid-day all the way through to early morning it was raining. He had always enjoyed the rain because it felt like it washed everything away, not like it ever did that for a person's mistakes or a dirty soul.

About half way down he saw 2D standing off to the side with one hand in the pocket of his jeans and the other holding the small bag he had taken with him. He glanced up at the sound of the car pulling up; he hesitated for a second before going and getting into the car. His hair and clothes were completely soaked through and he was shaking a bit.

"You're gonna end up getting sick again y'know."

2D shrugged, he looked out the window.

The ride back up to the house was quiet, awkwardly quiet. He didn't exactly expect the younger man to be his usually annoying talkative little self but he hadn't really wanted him to be this shut up.

Back in the car lot they wordlessly got out of the car and went to 2D's room.

"Can you stay in here with me?" The singer asked his voice soft almost like he was afraid to speak.

"Yeah sure, you okay?"

Dumb question.

2D didn't respond he stripped out of his wet clothes and changed into dry ones. He sat down on the edge of his bed staring down at the floor.

"Do you have any clue how weird it was to see my dad in a casket?"

Murdoc shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. He thought back to when he had worked a job digging graves and helping with funerals; he'd seen far too many dead men, women, and children.

He sat down next to the younger man.

"No, but I could guess."

"Everybody just talking to each other and crying, half of it I didn't even cry y'know. I just stood there staring at him; I couldn't stop looking at him because I couldn't really accept it or anything. I still don't, it's really horrible; people probably think I don't give a toss because I didn't cry."

"Nobody thought that, don't be stupid; some people just don't cry when they think they should, come on look at me I rarely fucking cry."

2D glanced over at him.

"I figured you never did."

Murdoc looked away.

"Er whatever it doesn't matter, so are you…I mean, I don't really know; I suck with this shit."

"Yeah I'm better, sorry I never called you guys or anything while I was away. I just didn't want to talk for a bit and then I was really busy. I would have got home sooner but I stayed with mum for a bit longer y'know."

"How is she?"

He remembered 2D's mom; he remembered that she hated him deeply, but usually faked a smile in the presence of the green skinned Satanist who ran over her son twice.

"She's better than she was, she only really cried at the funeral. She was kind of pissed off before I left though."

"Why?"

"Won't get mad at me?"

"No"

"I told her that I'm dating you; I mean I don't, I think we're dating so that's why I told her. Just what you said to me and things lately….If we aren't then that's okay, I probably shouldn't have assumed that." The younger man rambled on nervously.

Murdoc placed his hand over 2D's.

"Its fine, can't believe you told your mum though; you know she hates my guts."

"I know, she reminded me a ton of real good reasons why I should hate you."

Murdoc smiled.

"Change anything?"

"Nope, I still really love you."

"I love you too Stu, I'm happy to have you back home." He whispered still holding onto the other man's hand.

2D smiled at him, it was the first time he'd seen him smile since all of this happened. He'd missed that and sort of missed having him around; he liked being close to him he just had to keep on remembering to keep some distance between the two of them. That way when it finally would end it would hurt less, for himself anyways.

Murdoc kissed him; he ran his fingers through the younger man's still wet hair. He'd miss him, but right now Murdoc had him and 2D had him as much as he'd ever be able to have him.

'I'll be your liqour bathing your soul. Juice that's pure'


	5. I'll Be Your Anchor You'll Never Leave

Nothing truly lasted forever and that was very true. Forever was complicated especially if one wasn't ready to let go and move on with their lives. Murdoc tried to move on, he moved to the middle of nowhere, to the end of the Earth to forget about crazed hippies, dead teenage guitarist, and blue haired morons that he had dated. He had done well enough for the first year or so; he had enjoyed being along with nothing but alcohol, drugs, and his own ever growing insanity. That was until the loneliness kicked in, the loneliness that caused him to contact the blue haired moron he had dated and treated like shit near the end. He had tried calling him, talking to him on the phone, but it had never worked because he wouldn't answer or he would hang up quickly after a second or so of hearing Murdoc speak. If he couldn't get the singer to talk to him over the phone like an average human being then he'd bring him to the island whether he liked it or not.

For the first month and a half they didn't speak. Murdoc went about his usual business while 2D remained locked in his room probably thinking over the many different ways that he hated the older man. He'd said that years ago that he had hated him; he'd told him that when he found out it was Murdoc's fault that Noodle had died. He'd been saying it ever since that day, at first it had hurt, but once some time had passed it did nothing to him.

It wasn't like they talked much now; only pieces of conversation over songs and the construct of things that they were working on, but for the most part 2D was quiet because he really just didn't give a fuck about the project or about Murdoc. It was amazing how little but how much 2D had changed; he looked healthier, apparently he'd stopped with the pill abuse as well over the years that they had been apart, he had grown his hair out some, he wasn't as pathetically thin, and apparently he had tried his hand at acting and modeling in their time apart. He constantly liked to inform Murdoc about how nice life had been until Murdoc fucked everything up for him, again.

He remembered how years ago the singer looked at him with love, but now all of that was replaced with hate and resentment.

"We wouldn't be here if you hadn't fucked everything up." 2D said one evening while they were going over songs the bassist had written in drunken stupors.

"You keep on saying that doesn't change much."

Murdoc examined the cigarette he held between his fingers. 2D was sitting opposite of him on the floor busy with music sheets, not even looking in the older man's direction.

"This place is horribly depressing and you look like hell. Like seriously you look like hell, like something spat out of there or something." He said just barely glancing up at the older man.

His aqua hair hung in fringes over his face, Murdoc reached his hand out pushing the locks of hair out of the younger man's face.

"Don't do that"

"Do what?"

"Touch me"

"Right, do you hate me?"

"Yeah I do" He tried to sound convincing but it fell short.

"Liar, bad one at that."

"Sod off, we wouldn't be here if you weren't such a bastard. You never cared about any of us, we're just pawns to you; like this is all some weird game and you don't care what happens to anybody just so long as you win."

Murdoc took one last drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray that sat beside him on the dirtied pink carpet.

"I lost the game though, didn't I?"

2D looked up at him confused.

"I lost our guitarist, I lost you, and I lost my soul; I'm living out in bum fuck nowhere with a bloke who hates my guts and a mentally ill robot. I think I basically lost the fucking game, don't you think? I love the analogy though, it's smart for you."

He saw something change just the smallest bit in this black eyes, 2D went back to work.

"Why did you write these songs?"

"Hell if I know, we need a come back don't we?"

"You never write stuff like this, you usually write shallow crap."

"People change" He said shrugging

"You're not even a person anymore are you? I mean you don't have a soul, you fucking lost it, are you even alive; you're just some creature or whatever, so how the fuck can you write songs like these?"

The anger was evident, the fear, and the confusion. He never meant to scare him; he just meant to get rid of himself.

"I'm not that dead you know I can feel if I couldn't feel then I wouldn't need to be plastered all of the time. If I couldn't feel, if I was really truly dead then I wouldn't hate how much you hate me."

"Do you still love me?" 2D whispered.

"Y-yeah, yes I do."

2D shook his head as if denying the response.

He looked up at the older man, his eyes were sad, he was sad; this whole situation was sad.

"You're just some crazy old demonic man who thinks that he loves me."

It sounded so sure even if it was such bull shit.

Murdoc moved closer to him, 2D didn't move away he kept his eyes on the older man's waiting for whatever would come next.

"Do you even know why I'm keeping you here?"

"You're selfish, you don't respect boundaries, you're some weird monster, and you're just generally crazy."

Murdoc shook his head.

"You could leave, I'd even give you the fucking keys; you know you can leave, you aren't that dull. I keep you here, because I-I changed my mind about this; all of this, I'm scared if you really want the truth. You're the only person I've had and the only one I still want, I love you I think I love you as much as I can anyways."

2D smiled sadly.

"You told me never trust a demon, to never trust you."

"I'm yours you know, I need you."

He felt desperate; fear still lingered in his mind when he thought about their situation.

2D placed his hand on the older man's cheek his fingers brushing over his skin.

"You feel warm" He whispered.

Murdoc laughed, "What did you expect?"

The younger man shrugged.

The green skinned man moved closer their faces only an inch or two apart, he paused waiting for any reaction to tell him to back off now. Fingers tangled in his greasy black hair pulling him in closer, lips pressed against his, and for the first time in years he felt human.

'I'll be your liqour bathing your soul

Juice that's pure

And I'll be your anchor you'll never leave

Shores that cure'


	6. Demons Will Drown

2D was so grateful once Plastic Beach was over and done with. He felt a pang of sadness when he saw how it killed Murdoc to watch his island be torched to the ground. Yet a part of him really didn't care, because Noodle was alive, Russel was back, and they had found a new temporary home in England. It had been nearly a year since what had happened and for the most part things were normal; Russel was able to fit inside of the home Noodle's eye was all healed up, but things were odd between himself and Murdoc. The bassist kept to himself, often staying in his oblivion blacked out bedroom; 2D checked on him every morning mostly just to see if he was even still alive, he'd hear the sounds of dying animals, a man crying, and Latin being spoken. He felt bad for him, he loved him still, and a part of him was sort of scared.

Sometimes he just thought about it; thought about how maybe he could have changed something, prevented something years ago before things got too out of hand. He didn't know every detail, but he knew that Murdoc wasn't fully living or fully mortal any longer; he knew those things put a distance between them, he was tired of the distance. There had been a few nights at Plastic Beach when they could be close, when he wasn't scared of Murdoc and what he had become, and when he could pretend everything was alright. Nights where he was shocked by how warm and hot the demonic man's skin was, shocked by the sweet words he would whisper to him while they were intimate.

He was tired of the distance growing since coming to Wobble street.

2D got up from his bed and went to Murdoc's bedroom; he went to knock on the door, but decided against it. The door was unlocked like it generally was; he stepped inside of the room expecting an abyss, but there was a small bit of light emitting from eight candles sitting around the floor. In the middle of the candles a pentagram with symbols at each point was drawn in white on the floor, Murdoc was kneeling in the center of it with his face buried in his hands as he cried sounding beyond frustrated. Blood ran down both arms from where he had sliced into the palms of his hands for the ritual he was trying for. 2D wordlessly went over to him, kneeling before the older man.

"Still isn't working?"

Murdoc looked up at him; he looked sick and he'd looked that way for years now, his doe brown eyes had dark circles around them, his green skinned looked off, his teeth nothing but rows of sharp fangs like some animal, his ears slightly pointed at the tops, and if 2D looked closely enough at his brown eyes there were specks of red like blood.

"You know how I feel about you coming in here, now fuck off."

There wasn't much conviction in his voice, tears stained his cheeks.

"You scare the hell out of me."

Murdoc smirked.

"I scare myself, I don't want this; I thought I wanted this, but I fucking don't. I just want it to go away, I want the demon to go away; there's a fucking I don't even know what sitting in our living room and these voices in my head and when I look at myself in the mirror I look off. I don't know what this is, I want it to fucking go away."

He sounded so frustrated and angry, so pissed off with himself for letting this happen.

"I don't mean how you look, well a little bit, but how you keep to yourself a lot. You need to accept it."

"I don't want to; I actually want my soul back."

It was so much like the story of Faust; the man who wanted so many riches and so much fame and talent, but wanted to take it all back by the time it was far too late. He reached out gently touching his fingertips to the older man's cheek, just barely touching his skin still amazed at its intense warmth. He expected death to be cold, but he had heard that hell was hot.

Murdoc flinched away from him.

"Can't you take the soul of somebody else?"

"Yeah, that's about the only way it'd work, but I'd be fucked if it went wrong."

"You always used to tell me that I owe you my soul." He said smiling sadly.

Murdoc looked at him.

"No, I'm not taking your soul."

"I love you Muds, I owe you that much right?"

"No you don't, stop thinking stupid shit like that."

"It's just a thought."

"I don't want it, keep it; fucking enjoy it, I also think you should stop worrying about me and go do something better with your time."

"I've spent a good part of my life wasting time on you; I enjoy it a good bit. You were there for me when my dad died and when my mum stopped talking to me because I started to date you. Isn't it my turn to be here for you, you always told me you're mine, I'm yours too y'know."

The older man just barely smiled, his eyes were locked on the floor.

"Disgusting aren't I?"

"No you aren't, I still see you the way that I used to back before all of this."

"You still mad about what happened?"

He never said it flat out; never said Noodle's almost death or Plastic Beach, but even without it being spoken he knew well enough.

"Yeah, but not like I was; even if you aren't sorry I forgive you, because I love you and I don't want to just give up on you because of this and God knows what else is going on. I'd give anything for you, I'm willing to give my soul up for you; fuck Murdoc don't you ever think you should actually be happy?"

"I don't know, I haven't done much to earn it."

2D moved closer, he took hold of the older man's hand looking over the pale green flesh and the long sharp claws coloured like beetle wings; he didn't mind, he didn't care.

"Don't think, don't stress; I love you, I'm all yours." 2D whispered as he stared into the older man's eyes.

He looked like he wanted to run and hide, like if things proceeded then something bad would happen, but 2D knew better than that. He kissed Murdoc, gently just in case the bassist really did plan on bolting. He could feel him relax, felt the demonic man begin to kiss back. His lips felt hot, everything about him felt heated like a furnace; it was something 2D didn't mind. He allowed Murdoc to lay him back on the floor, he moaned at the feel of the black haired man's hands on his body. He didn't care about this; he didn't care about the fucked up future, or the past that lead them here. He just wanted him, he needed him, and he loved him.

Murdoc pulled back, he kissed along 2D's neck.

"I'll be yours; I need you to help drown my demons."

At once that was the ending and the beginning of something and everything.

'Well I've seen you suffer, I've seen you cry for days and days

So I'll be your liqour demons will drown

And float away'


End file.
